my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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