i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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