Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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