Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
