You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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