I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
