this just has baby written all over it
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
