I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
