True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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