He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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