'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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