I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
