One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
