you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
