Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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