life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
