Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
