I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
