Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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