I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
