I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Randomize
