ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
