3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
