I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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