I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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