I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
