who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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