so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
