on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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