Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
