so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
