I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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