I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
