You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
