no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
