the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
