I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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