I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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