yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
