He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize