he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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