shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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