I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
