my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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