new low.... made out with someone while peeing
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
