now i know why i became what i already was.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
