I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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