How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
