Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
