Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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