he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
