My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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