thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
