My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
