he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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