I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
