yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
