So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
